No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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