awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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