Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im part way to drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
