Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
