This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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