a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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