I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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