So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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