Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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