Umm I'm too high to move.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
