Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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