i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
