Me too!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
