Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
