y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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