eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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