Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
