just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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