We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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