My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
