Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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