If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
