I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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