I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
