You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to cum in my sink.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
