Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
