I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
