I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
