Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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