My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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