he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
