I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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