Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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