and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
