Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
