Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
