He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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