If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize