The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
