Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
