I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize