Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
