it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
