I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
