If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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