My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
