Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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