i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
