Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I cut my penus on the lid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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