i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
