what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
