mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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