Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
