I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
