She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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