I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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