you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
