My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize