I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
PANTIES FOUND
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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