Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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