i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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