That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
