there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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