I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
