I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
