I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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