Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
