that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
