I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
