I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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