Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
