I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
