i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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