i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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