dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Come on in and take your pants off
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