Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is wine microwaveable?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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