Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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