dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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