weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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