When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
