watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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