She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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