Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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