I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
